Precis for “Chastity Opening,” the sequel to “Chastity Aflame.”

Chastity is in New York city, in 2003 (the most romantic year). All the great labor leaders of the past (Joe Hill, Eugene V. Debs, Samuel Gompers, basically any sexy-hot unionist) rise from the dead and come to NY. Chastity is surprised, and then her consciousness of the relation between wealth, infrastructure and the exploitation of the worker is raised. The labor leaders shamble to Chinatown, where they all get waxed (this is the most important sequence, and really needs to capture the essence of pulling hair off the scrotums of men who fought for the 5-day workweek). Chastity, seeing the tender flesh of Joe Hill’s inner thigh, begins to fellate, not so much him, but the very concept of wage equity. Later, a typhoon washes them all to sea.

Sequel: Chastity Adrift! coming soon.

Darling,

I have planned our wedding, and it is both intimate and epic.

We start on home plate, in our fur-suits, surrounded by dying whales. The bridesmaids play infield positions, the groomsmen outfield positions. The officiant, a Dick Cheney impersonator, is on the mound. He approaches us (the “pitch”) and we realize that he’s a trained bear. We’re already wearing rings, but a hobbit comes up, bites off our ring fingers, and dives into a volcano. Then everyone gets on an Amtrak train as a chorus of civil war re-enactors sing a medley of Elton John songs.

I know I’m forgetting something. Like: what’s your name? Who the fuck are you? Did we meet 15 years ago or something?

I know this is going to be perfect.

Love,
Me