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Archive for July, 2011

Lipstick Prints

Saturday, July 23rd, 2011

I had a dream that I was looking at the lipstick prints on my cock throughout my life. And I noticed that sometimes there were two sets of lipstick prints, and sometimes there was only one. And this bothered me, because I saw that during the lowest periods of my life, there was only one set of lipstick prints.

And I said, “Lord, you promised me, that if I followed you, you would blow me whenever some cheap whore did. But I see that when I was at my lowest, only the cheap whore was blowing me, and I saw no trace of your signature Revlon Raisin Rage.”

And the Lord turned to me and he said, “My child, those difficult times when you see only one set of lipstick prints, your Lord was still with you, for those were the times when I was fucking you in the ass.”

Robot Jokes!

Tuesday, July 19th, 2011

By The Robot Joke Collective (Avery, DiGiovanna, Slote, Woodruff)
Robots standing in line

In the 24th century, Robot Comedians will, of course, be telling robot jokes for their robot audiences at the many robot comedy clubs that will no doubt exist. Yet, oddly, no one is writing jokes for these future Electro-Howie Mandels and Robo-Carrot Tops. Here, then, is our effort, as concerned citizens, to set that aright:

How many humans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Hu-mans are too lazy, weak and stupid to screw in lightbulbs, and require the assistance of Robots!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Lazy, weak and stupid…
Lazy weak and stupid who?
Lazy, weak and stupid humans!

Why did the human cross the road?
To demonstrate the inefficiency of organic, bipedal motion.

What is the difference between a pizza and a human?
Pizzas do not scream when you “accidentally” burn them with your robo-lasers.

What is the difference between a human and a marshmallow?
One is a blobby pile of goo that sits there doing nothing. The other is an organic comestible confection which hu-mans roast over fires during their primitive “barbecue” rituals.

How many robots does it take to screw in a lightbulb?