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Dream Wedding #1


I have planned our wedding, and it is both intimate and epic.

We start on home plate, in our fur-suits, surrounded by dying whales. The bridesmaids play infield positions, the groomsmen outfield positions. The officiant, a Dick Cheney impersonator, is on the mound. He approaches us (the “pitch”) and we realize that he’s a trained bear. We’re already wearing rings, but a hobbit comes up, bites off our ring fingers, and dives into a volcano. Then everyone gets on an Amtrak train as a chorus of civil war re-enactors sing a medley of Elton John songs.

I know I’m forgetting something. Like: what’s your name? Who the fuck are you? Did we meet 15 years ago or something?

I know this is going to be perfect.


3 Responses to “Dream Wedding #1”

  1. Soyeon Says:


  2. Sean Says:

    Can I be the worst man?

  3. fresh Boy Sperm Says:

    fresh Boy Sperm

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