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Archive for February, 2009

Classical Literature with Rational Actors

Sunday, February 22nd, 2009


Scene 1: The Oracle at Delphi

Oracle: Your son will grow up to kill his father and have sex with his mother.

Laius: That sounds bad.

Jocasta: Indeed; I’m opposed to that scenario. We should give him to a herdsman and ask the herdsman to set him out on a rock to die of exposure.

Laius: Or we could, you know, kill him ourselves. Just to be sure.

Jocasta: See, this is why you’re the king.

They kill the baby Oedipus

The end.

Farewell To The ArtCards

Tuesday, February 10th, 2009

The artcards are in the mail. If you participated, you’ll get yours shortly. If you didn’t, you’ll never get one for as long as you live, and it’ll haunt you, and then, on your death bed, you’ll feel like you’re just about ready to forgive yourself, and it won’t matter, because your whole life will have been wasted in regret and despair. ArtCard says: forgiveness is for the weak. Here’s a last one to hammer that message home, loser:

ev's card

Postcards To And From The Famous

Saturday, February 7th, 2009

Thanks for your crappy campaigning; now I’ve got four years of job security in a recession, and it’s a bitchin’ job! Hey, you know what we call you around here? “Sea foam.” Because you’re white and washed up.

Dear Jesus,
Sorry about the piss thing. I know you’re more of a scat guy.
Best wishes,
Andres Serrano

I miss you so much. No one here lets me play with any of the model airplanes, and they told me I can only go for walks if I eat all my desert. I hate it here! Hate it hate it hate!

My apologies on the outcome of our last co-operative venture. I take all the blame, and will report for sodomy by demon-goats tomorrow at noon, as you requested.
Your faithful servant,
William Kristol

Dear Britney Spears,
I am your biggest fan ever! 4evah! Please please please send me a birthday card. I am a special child and cannot get out of my wheelchair but I “dance” to your music and watch Britney & Kevin: Chaotic on my DVD player that I got with money from a special book that I wrote by myself! Please send me a card!
Stephen Hawking