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Archive for October, 2007

Six Haikus In Honor of “Bewitched”

Sunday, October 28th, 2007

Samantha looks sad;
Darren is right next to her…
but Darren is gone.

When Darren is new
it is Fall on our TV’s,
Winter in our hearts.

Why, Mrs. Kravitz,
do you notice everything
except new Darren?

Samantha Stevens
Has magic powers but she
Has a mean husband.

It was going so well
The lawn was mowing itself
Damn Mrs. Kravitz!

First one Darren leaves
Then another one appears:
Samantha is magic.

Superpowers Attributed to Minorities by My Neighbor, Mr. Benning

Wednesday, October 24th, 2007

African Americans: expert lovemaking

Asians: understand complicated cameras

Homosexuals: good at making friends

Hispanics: have cars that jump up and down

Mentally Retarded Children: lovable

Philosophically Deep Questions to Help You With Life

Wednesday, October 24th, 2007

Would you rather live in a supermarket or on a fire truck?

Would you rather be a beautiful naked woman or a fierce swordsman warrior?

Would you rather have a whole room full of candy or a superpowered friend?

Would you rather be a cool backpack with lots of pockets, or a diner menu?

Would you rather befriend a nuclear missile or an otter?

Language Facts!

Wednesday, October 24th, 2007

Eskimos have a hundred words for snot.

The Oxford English Dictionary was written by a seven-year girl.

“Japanese” is the official language of “Japan.”

There is no word in English for “under.” English speakers have to say “not over, but that other thing.”

The name “Hawaii” comes from the sound that white people make when they fart.

There are only 25 letters in the alphabet; “Q” isn’t a letter: it’s an abomination in the eyes of God.

Most computer languages contain no word for “ketchup.”

Wikipedia Entry of the Day

Wednesday, October 24th, 2007


Food is any substance, usually composed primarily of carbohydrates, fats, water and/or proteins, that can be eaten or drunk by an animal or human being for nutrition or pleasure.

God’s Greatest Hits

Wednesday, October 24th, 2007

10. The crab nebula

9. Charles Nelson Reilly

8. Tooth enamel

7. Pi

6. The Treaty of Versailles

5. Vacation pay

4. Antique collectors

3. Wood

2. The 15th century

1. Love