Thanks for your crappy campaigning; now I’ve got four years of job security in a recession, and it’s a bitchin’ job! Hey, you know what we call you around here? “Sea foam.” Because you’re white and washed up.
Sorry about the piss thing. I know you’re more of a scat guy.
I miss you so much. No one here lets me play with any of the model airplanes, and they told me I can only go for walks if I eat all my desert. I hate it here! Hate it hate it hate!
My apologies on the outcome of our last co-operative venture. I take all the blame, and will report for sodomy by demon-goats tomorrow at noon, as you requested.
Your faithful servant,
Dear Britney Spears,
I am your biggest fan ever! 4evah! Please please please send me a birthday card. I am a special child and cannot get out of my wheelchair but I “dance” to your music and watch Britney & Kevin: Chaotic on my DVD player that I got with money from a special book that I wrote by myself! Please send me a card!