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Bringers of Doom Volume 1: George Washington Carver

Schoolchildren (which are my favorite kind of children) are taught many vicious lies, like that they might one day be president, and that ketchup is made of tomatoes.

But one lie that they never seem to overcome is the teaching that George Washington Carver was a benign force. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Thanks to George Washington Carver literally tens of people have DIED FROM PEANUT ALLERGIES! It used to be that if you didn’t want to be exposed to anything as lascivious and unsavory as a peanut, you just had to avoid the few hairy-knuckled troglodytes who dealt them at circuses and executions.

But thanks to “Mr.” Carver, peanuts are found in virtually every consumer product known to mankind. For example, did you know that peanut butter is not made of butter at all, but is rather produced by distilling pure despair into a resinous goo, and then adding peanuts?

“So don’t eat it!” I hear you say. But how can someone allergic to peanuts hope to avoid inhaling peanut-based perfumes (Chanel Number 5, Obsession, Old Spice Extra Spicy, etc.)? Or what about the terror of encountering, unknowingly, a crevasse that has been cleansed with a peanut-flavored douche or suppository? What then, Mr. Wiseguy?

For this and many reasons, Mr. Carver is known as “The Foul One” and “Lord Death” amongst the peanut-allergic. AND THIS IS NOT BY ACCIDENT!

No, a quick read through the textbooks will show you: Carver sought to destroy the peanut-allergic. In his years at Tuskegee Institute his so-called peanut “research” was really a ruse for a vast eugenics program designed to eliminate “the weak, the undesirable, the sexually compulsive and the slovenly.” Those with peanut allergies were obviously high on his list, as were the asthmatic and those with hangnails.

54 Responses to “Bringers of Doom Volume 1: George Washington Carver”

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  3. Christian Lee Says:

    i love both peanut butter and cheeze as the filling of my morning sandwhich.”~*

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  5. Caleb Green Says:

    i am allergic to peanuts so i can only taste a bit of peanut butter even if i love it so much.-`.

  6. Julia Mason Says:

    i love the taste of peanut butter but i have peanut allergy so i cant eat it`:;

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