Jokes For Modern Humans
Most jokes are written for pre-modern humans, and focus on things like stone-flinting and the preparation of bear meat. With that in mind, we at Spoonbot thought it time to do some modern joke-writing, so that those who will come after us may find humor, and warmth. Here, then, is our first joke:
A Limited Number of Parachutes
A priest, a rabbi, and a member of some hated profession like, say, Chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee, are on an airplane. The pilot enters the passenger section and tells them that the plane is going down, and that there is only one parachute. He returns to the cockpit in order to die with his craft, and to attempt to steer it to an unpopulated area.
The priest says, “All my life, I have hoped to meet my creator, the Lord Jesus Christ. If, now, I should die by sacrificing myself that others may live, I would assure my place before him in heaven. Please, then, my brothers, take this parachute and think of me as you live on.”
The rabbi replies, “My friends, I have tried to live an exemplary life, that my congregation would have a model of goodness. If my last act were to be one of giving all I can give, my very life, so that others may go on and prosper, no greater act could I show in order to inspire. Please, take the parachute, and tell my family and my people what I have done for you.”
The member of some hated profession (in this instance the Chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee) then says, “According to House Rule HR-47/R, in any joke involving a priest, a rabbi, a member of some hated profession, a plane that is going to crash, and a limited number of parachutes, the member of the hated profession is supposed to demand the parachute, then mistakenly grab a backpack, jump out of the plane saying, “so long suckers,” and fall to his death.” He then searches for a backpack, and, not finding one, decides that the priest’s extreme unction kit will work just as well, grabs it, jumps out of the airplane saying, “so long, suckers!” searches for the ripcord, fails to find it, and then screams and plunges to his death.
Just then the pilot returns to the cockpit and announces that they won’t be crashing after all, as it was merely a minor engine glitch, which has been repaired. Overjoyed, they fly to one of those tiny island nations where the love between two men is not only tolerated, but sometimes even celebrated.