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Hamlet, With Proper Editing

Act I
Hamlet: I’m bummed.
Horatio: Dude.

Act II
Ghost: Kill Claudius.
Hamlet: Umm…

Act III
Ophelia: I love you!
Hamlet: Whatever.

Act IV
Ghost: Could you, like, freaking kill Claudius now?
Hamlet: Stabby stabby!
Polonius: Ow!

Act V
Hamlet: Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead. Also, Laertes is dead, and Gertrude is dead, and Claudius is dead, and, also, I am dead.
Fortinbras: Awesome.

The end.

6 Responses to “Hamlet, With Proper Editing”

  1. Ficklestein Ph.D. Says:

    Wait a minute… is Hamlet crazy, or just pretending to be crazy?

  2. Ed Says:

    Excellent plot summary. It brings to mind Aristotle’s dictum that “the plot should be so ordered that, even without seeing it performed, anyone merely hearing about the incidents will shudder with fear and pity as a result of what is happening” (Poetics, Ch. 14)–exactly my reaction.

    …hey, wait a minute! I just flipped forward to Ch. 17 of Aristotle’s Poetics, and it appears that you’ve just taken your plot summary straight from him:

    “As for the stories, whether he is taking over something ready-made, or inventing it himself, the poet should first plan the general outline, and then expand by working out appropriate episodes. What I mean by planning the general outline may be illustrated from Sophocles’ Hamlet play, as follows:

    “Hamlet: I’m bummed.
    “Horatio: Dude.” [Aristotle text continues…]

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