Proofs for the Existence of God
Spoonbot has learned that some atheists don’t believe in God! How ludicrous. While there are an almost infinite number of proofs of the existence of God (in fact, the sheer number of proofs of the existence of God could be taken as, itself, an absolute proof of the existence of God) it wouldn’t hurt to put a couple more out there, to help some of these non-believing atheists to become better people. So:
Proof of the existence of God #1: The Feathers Can’t Be Magic! Proof
If God didn’t exist, then why would birds have feathers? Think about it: birds need feathers to fly. So how did the feathers get there? By magic? Hardly! God put them there with his power. Therefore, God exists.
Proof of the existence of God #2: The Empirical Proof
Turn around very quickly. Did you see God? No you didn’t. Why? Because he’s invisible. Therefore God exists.
Proof of the existence of God #3: The Proof from Craving
You’ve probably noticed that you prefer to listen to music, rather than just random noises and screams. But have you ever wondered why? It’s because music is ordered, and we crave order in our lives. Now who ordered the universe? God! So we crave God. Now think about the things you crave: ice cream, dirty sex, unicorns. What do all those things have in common? They all exist, except for unicorns. So if we crave God, God must exist, unless he’s a unicorn! But obviously, God is not a unicorn. Therefore, God exists.
Proof of the existence of God #4: The Mathematical Proof
What’s 2 plus 2? It’s 4, right? But why is 2 plus 2 equal to 4? Because God. Duh. Therefore, God exists.
June 19th, 2008 at 9:22 am
please tell me this is satirical, because if it isn’t you are the biggest idiot in the world.
June 19th, 2008 at 9:45 am
This is fucking stupid.
#1 Many creatures have organs that have no use (appendix, etc.) The bird has feather and has kept them because it works and is not detrimental in natural selection.
#2 God is invisable, so he exists? This is too retarded to argue
#3 We crave what natural selection has built us to crave. Snd no we dont crave God. We crave answers, but youre looking for magic.
#4 God, another retarded “proof”
pwned
June 19th, 2008 at 9:54 am
Yeah, praise the god almighty because he is so true as true as spongebob squarepants. Avoid drinking the water from the bong, seems to upset your trail of thoughts.
June 19th, 2008 at 10:24 am
Do they have jokes where you guys come from? I mean, come on. Look up satire in the dictionary, it will open up a whole new world. Although, to your credit, most arguments for god are so retarded that it is hard to discern sarcasm from seriousness. But still, unicorns? 2+2? Even for a religious argument, thats just too mind-numbingly dumb to be true.
June 19th, 2008 at 10:48 am
if it is satirical its not very good. If its not, whew. yikes
June 19th, 2008 at 11:04 am
Lmfao, beautifully done. You’ve used me well. 😉
June 19th, 2008 at 11:24 am
bluevillian, how is this not good satire? Go get a sense of humor…
June 19th, 2008 at 11:45 am
I’ve actually gotten in debates where I’ve heard things very similar to this. Sadly accurate. Nice job.
June 19th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
Sadly, you can find quotes from Fundies Say the Darndest Things (fstdt.com) that would back each of these “satirical” statements…
The truth is, religious nuts will weave any lie to try and prove an untruth.
June 19th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
God is not a unicorn, you’re right about that. God is the grown up version of santa claus. Get a fucking education.
June 19th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
Nicely Done!
P.S.
Don’t feed trolls.
June 19th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
I quite like these proofs. Quite a step up from the regular convoluted rubbish used as ‘proofs’.
Of course they’re not convincing. Heh, that would be like, a miracle..!
June 19th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
Hahahahahahahaha. Awesome.
June 19th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
I’m a scientist and have been an atheist for a long time. For I need proof of things. Specially very important things. Yet nothing could really convince me that there is a good. But now I’ve seen the truth. Proven. Let me be a believer. I’ll just have to figure out to which god. Maybe the invisible pink unicorn. Hey! Wait! But… unicorns don’t exist, do they? But god exists and the invisible pink unicorn is a god… what now? A paradoxon! No!!!!!!!!!!!
June 19th, 2008 at 1:16 pm
Yet more supporting evidence for Poe’s Law provided by the comments.
June 19th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
This more or less summarizes how I feel about all God “proofs:” they’re all ridiculously stupid when you analyze them.
June 19th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
SO FUNNY! But this is satire right? Or then again… how do you KNOW that God is NOT a Unicorn???
June 19th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
Though this is obviously a joke, some good points are unknowingly made. The universe is in such a narrow band of perfect balance to provide adequate conditions to sustain life that the odds are astronomical for life as we know it to be merely coincidental.
June 19th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
http://www.pornographicdirectory.com has every proof that God exists. Women and Men coming together to produce an offspring thus sustaining life? Coincidence?
June 19th, 2008 at 3:38 pm
Taz, here is the hole in your argument.
If the universe did not exist within those parameters, there would be nobody within it to observe it. Therefore, the chances of any observed universe existing within parameters that sustain life are 100%.
June 19th, 2008 at 11:26 pm
Whoever wrote this must be RETARDED. Was it bush?
June 20th, 2008 at 12:00 am
I can see that atheists can also be incredibly stupid. Yes, I’m referring to those who can’t seem to grasp this sarcasm/satire concept. Fucking morons make the rest of us atheists look like bumbling idiots.
June 20th, 2008 at 12:03 am
Wow. I am appalled by the inability of some readers to understand satire. I–it–it boggles the mind, you know, to think that somebody could be that dense.
“Proof of the existence of God #2: The Empirical Proof
Turn around very quickly. Did you see God? No you didn’t. Why? Because he’s invisible. Therefore God exists.”
Who, honestly, could possibly think that the above bit could be written seriously? In what possible circumstance would any person ever actually think that was true? I have spoken with many stupid religious nuts, but none of them would ever have tried to make that claim. Really, their stupidity falls far short of the sheer idiocy exhibited by anyone who takes such obvious satire seriously. God damn.
June 20th, 2008 at 12:06 am
I like it. As some have mentioned, these are the types of arguments that theists have been putting forth for years, though many have been trained to make it sound sophisticated to the uninitiated.
The biggest issue here is that we live in a world of tangibles. A theist comes along and asserts that something that is intangible exists, yet, unsurprisingly, has no concrete evidence of proof of a Maker. It’s a rabbit hole of circular reasoning, deceptions, and anecdotes. It’s painful to here the same bullshit over and over, but this site makes it fun.
Thanks.
June 20th, 2008 at 12:21 am
This is seriously sad for both the people who mistook this for real and for the creationists out there that make arguments so stupid that these resemble real ones enough to be mistaken.
June 20th, 2008 at 12:30 am
Existence of God is not a matter of any proof but faith.
June 20th, 2008 at 1:44 am
AHHHHH! What??? I can’t help but scoff at the people who don’t get it! If you are to dense to understand such obvious hit-you-over-the-head not subtle in the least satire, you are certainly in no position to sit on a high horse and judge religion as ridiculous. Grab a brain! The atheist/theist divide is certainly not separated by intelligence alone. I’ll take a creationist with a sense of humour any day.
June 20th, 2008 at 3:13 am
!!!!!!!! heheheheheh !!!!!
good one
June 20th, 2008 at 5:20 am
Damn – what a bunch of geniuses here. These arguments are all referencing actual classical arguments for the existence of God, and everybody from Anselm to Descartes where convinced that they where real and good. In fact a few of these arguments are still being bantered about as if they where valid. I laughed my ass off : proof #1 and #3 are hillarious. Great stuff.
June 20th, 2008 at 5:22 am
ROFL! well put … truly, I exist.
Imma gonna smite thine ass … all ye peepz without a sense of humor!
June 20th, 2008 at 5:32 am
u by far are the biggest idiot ive herd in a long time ur wasting ur brain infact die become a cadavar and let them use ur brain u no longer deserve it
June 20th, 2008 at 5:48 am
I do believe we have a winner. Apparently, someone, who cannot seem to form a sentence correctly, has actually been offended by this silly satire enough to leave a hate comment. I’m slightly confused by this notion of ¨cadavar.¨Did you mean, perhaps, cadaver?
June 20th, 2008 at 6:06 am
The only problem I see with this as satire, is that the arguments it presents for the existence of god are on about the same level as the arguments that Dinesh D’Souza and other christian apologists try to put forward in all seriousness. (I sometimes wonder why we even need to bother with satire about religion, when the subject tends to be a parody of itself.)
June 20th, 2008 at 6:26 am
lol I dunno what’s funnier the site or the fact that half these comments are taking it seriously xD
June 20th, 2008 at 7:02 am
Very funny. You’ve convinced me!
June 20th, 2008 at 7:38 am
I love how some people just keep feeding the trolls.
Bitching stupidly about someone’s pretended lack of sense of humor is even dumber than misunderstanding mediocre satire.
Thanks for the contributions though….
June 20th, 2008 at 7:45 am
chill out dicks, its an obvious joke, just shut up, dont take it seriously and enjoy the joke
June 20th, 2008 at 8:00 am
Yes guys, this is clearly satire. Have a sense of humor.
June 20th, 2008 at 9:14 am
Wow. Uh… Yeah.
For people who don’t realize it’s a joke…
…
it’s a joke. Surprise, surprise.
June 20th, 2008 at 9:59 am
gheghe touche …
god-atheists : 0-1
for those who didn’t know it was a joke… seriously… it was a good impression of the regular fundamentalist but no really… guys like you kill the joke…
June 20th, 2008 at 10:08 am
guys stop taking it so seriously. it’s obviously a joke.
look at the last one.
i found these kind of funny actually.
June 20th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
lulz.
The fact that God is invisible is a testament to His power!
Also there’s gold buried in my backyard, a dragon in my garage, a teapot between Mars and Jupiter, and I’m going to go kiss Hank’s ass later for a million dollars.
June 20th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
Nobody post any more replies, there are exactly 42. So appropriate as to be auspicious.
June 20th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
…shit!
June 20th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
They say man was made in God’s image. Given some of the comments posted here, I don’t really think he’s smart enough to create a universe.
June 20th, 2008 at 5:51 pm
I hae another:
Free will – therefore God exists
June 20th, 2008 at 8:00 pm
Joke or not,There are many issues that cannot be defined by human intellect. Now,you cannot say god exists because there are things we do not understand.It is like a fish saying”ZOMG I JUST SAW GOD”and his friend saying “WTF?”And the original fish saying”I was pulled into the light!,he looked at me and said it wasnt my time!And Now I am back here!”
If we are stupid enough to misinterpret or misunderstand things bigger than us,We cannot argue either way.People will always go both ways.Neither is truth because both are undefined…
June 20th, 2008 at 8:02 pm
Poe’s Law aside, how are the first few comments so… so whatever they are?
June 21st, 2008 at 6:08 am
I can’t believe someone took these seriously. God, people what’s wrong with you, got stuck in your anti-christian zerging mood?
These are so goddamn funny because they’re real “proofs” used by defenders of religious groups, just stripped down from the fancy words they try to throw in to sound scientifical.
Number 3 really cracked me up, that is presicely the kind of argumentation you can expect from believers.
June 21st, 2008 at 5:19 pm
Haha omg was lmao when reading some of the comments!
You people are so immensely stupid xD
Was expecting that there might be some crazy God lovers commenting when reading these great “proofs”, but was baffled when I read the comments you poor sobs posted!
“please tell me this is satirical, because if it isn’t you are the biggest idiot in the world.” – Lol you’re obviously the idiot, Adam!
bluevillian – the only own you pwned is yourself and thank you for stating the obvious!
sw – what kind of scientist? Definitely not a smart or real one.. (PS.: Rhetorical question. And I know you’re probably 12 years old ;D)
Jerry England – are YOU Bush?
someone – usually I wouldn’t use anyones spelling abilities as an indicator
of their intelligence or lack thereof, but that in addition to your primitive use of words and grammar as well as the weird childlike conclusion with the “cadavar” all seem like pretty clear signs to me.
Cheers
June 21st, 2008 at 11:46 pm
When did atheists become as stupid as religious people?
June 22nd, 2008 at 10:03 am
They didn’t, they’re just agnostics
June 22nd, 2008 at 1:23 pm
yes u are so ritht im its has 2 be tru praze oden and tor he has a bitg ass hammer
June 22nd, 2008 at 2:27 pm
Poe’s Law:
“Without a winking smiley or other blatant display of humor, it is impossible to create a parody of Fundamentalism that SOMEONE won’t mistake for the real thing.”
June 22nd, 2008 at 3:15 pm
Unicorns do indeed exist. They’re in the Bible. Unicorns exist as much as God exists! Get out your Bibles and read:
Num.23
1. [22] God brought them out of Egypt; he hath as it were the strength of an unicorn.
Num.24
1. [8] God brought him forth out of Egypt; he hath as it were the strength of an unicorn: he shall eat up the nations his enemies, and shall break their bones, and pierce them through with his arrows.
Deut.33
1. [17] His glory is like the firstling of his bullock, and his horns are like the horns of unicorns: with them he shall push the people together to the ends of the earth: and they are the ten thousands of Ephraim, and they are the thousands of Manasseh.
Job.39
1. [9] Will the unicorn be willing to serve thee, or abide by thy crib?
2. [10] Canst thou bind the unicorn with his band in the furrow? or will he harrow the valleys after thee?
Pss.22
1. [21] Save me from the lion’s mouth: for thou hast heard me from the horns of the unicorns.
Pss.29
1. [6] He maketh them also to skip like a calf; Lebanon and Sirion like a young unicorn.
Pss.92
1. [10] But my horn shalt thou exalt like the horn of an unicorn: I shall be anointed with fresh oil.
Isa.34
1. [7] And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness.
You’re all going to Hell! Except for me I’m going to Heaven riding my unicorn.
June 22nd, 2008 at 4:09 pm
to those that think this is not a joke: wow.
stumbled.
June 22nd, 2008 at 4:23 pm
I’m constantly amazed at how dim some people are.
A person here actually tried to refute it.
I mean, they actually tried to refute it!
Quit eating paint chips, people.
The doctors say that they are bad for you!
June 22nd, 2008 at 4:40 pm
ok how come some of u dumbasses can’t see this is a joke.
its sorta funny yeah and it has a point cuz lots of theists r a little ignorant
but its a joke so dont get ur panties in a bunch
June 22nd, 2008 at 6:23 pm
Humor, Sarcasm and Poe’s Law. Learn ’em B4 posting. kthnxbai
June 22nd, 2008 at 10:17 pm
I’m hoping that this is a joke…if this isn’t a joke then wow…what a fucking retard…
June 23rd, 2008 at 4:19 am
It’s a joke.
June 23rd, 2008 at 5:19 am
I guess Fundamentalists aren’t the only ones that don’t get parody.
June 23rd, 2008 at 7:29 am
oh dear bluevillian
pwned
June 23rd, 2008 at 8:23 am
I think we need a whoosh as it goes over Bluevillian’s head. The only person who got pwned is him…
BTW, you spelled villain wrong.
June 23rd, 2008 at 8:25 am
Seriously though, this is worse than YouTube comments.
June 23rd, 2008 at 12:36 pm
im going to assume this is sattire, but if this person was a christian, it wouldnt surprise me in the least
June 23rd, 2008 at 4:37 pm
This is satire.
June 23rd, 2008 at 7:43 pm
May I mumble dogface to the banana patch?
June 23rd, 2008 at 7:45 pm
hilarious, ty for that brightened up my evil atheist day
June 24th, 2008 at 10:08 am
“Proof of the existence of God #4: The Mathematical Proof
What’s 2 plus 2? It’s 4, right? But why is 2 plus 2 equal to 4? Because God. Duh. Therefore, God exists.”
I’ve actually had a guy try to tell me this.
June 24th, 2008 at 10:54 am
I love watching people take a satire so seriously that they have to debunk it and ACTUALLY SAY PWNED at the end.
What an idiot.
June 24th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
its so depressing. people that feel they have to ask, “is this a joke? oh i sure hope so because otherwise what an idiot lol!!1”
and there are proofs of the existence of god. they may have been debunked or ignored, but that doesn;t mean they should be ignored.
proof number 5: the new coldplay album
anything that sounds this fucking brilliant, and manages to answer the biggest questions about love and death and human nature, deserves to be hailed as a religious text. and chris martin believes.
i hate scientists and their silly rational order and proofs and order.
June 24th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
The fact that so many people who have come upon this post and have taken to be a serious argument for the existence of god shows that we have become so accustomed to the crack-pot reasoning that the faithful have been spewing for years. It’s humorous, but at the same time it’s a bit frightening and sad that there are people in our developed society that choose to follow a set of beliefs that at its core is sheer nonsense.
June 24th, 2008 at 3:32 pm
I can’t believe some of you morons didn’t see the obvious satire in this. I could go on, but another comment letting you know just how stupid you are seems pointless.
Anyway, good stuff. You really captured the stupidity of the 90% of Americans that believe in the magical skywizard.
June 24th, 2008 at 5:03 pm
Question
Who is the bigger idiot, the person who’s ranting is idiotic in itself, or the person who’s wasting their time arguing back?
FALSE
I am the bigger idiot for wasting my time because you idiots are actually arguing back
I couldn’t stop laughing
on the inside, because I don’t believe in laughter
it’s a sign of weakness
June 24th, 2008 at 5:39 pm
guys don’t take this seriously!
hilarious though. are you on crack? jk. it cracked me up.
June 24th, 2008 at 9:02 pm
hey mister retarded creationist, WHERE IS YOUR PROOF, YOU HAVE NONE.
June 24th, 2008 at 9:29 pm
How is it that the majority of you people who left comments fail to grasp that it’s a satire?? YOU are the ones who need to “get an education,” not this thing’s author who you so pompously try to degrade.
June 25th, 2008 at 1:41 am
I don’t know which is funnier, the original post (delicious satire) or the fact that people are taking this seriously.
Actually, the fact that so many people seem incapable of grasping irony or satire isn’t funny at all. It’s freaking tragic.
June 25th, 2008 at 4:46 am
I’ve been an atheist for 70 years until now. You have proven beyond doubt the existence of our great lord.
Satire? Comedy? No! You speak the truth of course my son (or daughter).
June 25th, 2008 at 6:39 am
lol wow this is just ridiculous gods invisible? so hes there my god i hope you people don’t actually believe this bull crap here.
June 25th, 2008 at 6:47 am
wow…this just amazes me that you think this. Two pulse two equals four because of god? the ridiculous. it equals four because that’s what it adds up to not because god chose it. I’m sorry but your an idiot and I’m not saying you should stop believing in this but really? this is a dumb thing to listing to.
June 25th, 2008 at 8:07 am
Of course it’s satirical. Um, I’m scared of all the people who think this is serious. I thought we atheists were supposed to be critical thinkers…
June 25th, 2008 at 8:12 am
PS
HAHAHAHA “going to heaven riding my unicorn”!
June 25th, 2008 at 8:39 am
I agree bong water is pretty nasty..
June 25th, 2008 at 8:46 am
# atentora Says:
June 22nd, 2008 at 10:03 am
They didn’t, they’re just agnostics
hahahahahahahahahahahbahahahahaha
June 25th, 2008 at 11:36 am
God is invisible therefore he exists!
thats just too funny.
and for all the idiots out there that took this seriously.
i have nothing to say about your intelligence, at all.
LONG LIVE RAPTOR JEEZUS!!!!!!!
June 25th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
i lol’d so fucking hard.
June 25th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
Nice satire. However, the comments made this page even better.
June 25th, 2008 at 4:04 pm
I lawl’d.
God is invisible.
Therefore,
he exists.
June 25th, 2008 at 7:45 pm
I think the only thing funnier than the logic used is the fact that people actually get on here all butthurt about how stupid it is as if this is supposed to be taken seriously.
Stupid logic? Yes. But you, the person believing this, are by far the stupiderist.
June 26th, 2008 at 8:06 am
this is clearly satirical and sad at the same time. people who don’t believe in god (usually for reasons having nothing to do with the actual concept of GOD) are always complaining about people shoving their opinions down the throats of non-believers. honestly, its the other way around in our society. those who dont believe in GOD get praised as “hilarious”, “courageous”, and “witty” when they make fun of the beliefs of Christians around the world. it doesnt take courage to make jokes or talk trash about GOD, it takes courage to stand up for something one truly believes in and actually walk the walk.
June 26th, 2008 at 8:18 am
sheesh, people are stooooooooooooooooooooooooooopid, any one that thinks this isint tongue in cheek needs a kick up the hole
June 26th, 2008 at 9:18 am
No Chris (tian) what’s really sad is that people believe in a bunch of folk tales created by proto-jewish cavemen sitting around a campfire. People accept these tales as truth and try to thwart our educational system from teaching science and fact.
In the Dark Ages the Church had control over all education and that’s why they are called the Dark Ages. People where evil and superstitious back then, they tortured people in the cruelest ways possible, and burned them at the stake, simply because someone made accusations. All in the name of God. If you studied history you would find that the Church is the most evil entity that has ever plagued humanity. If there had never been a Church civilization would have progressed much further along than we are now. The Renaissance came about because the Church lost some of its control and money was in private hands. (This came about because the black plague killed almost two thirds of the population, and peasants could actually get paid decent wages for their work.) There should have been a Renaissance in 400c.e. (c.e. means common era as opposed to a.d. which means, well bullshit.)
Look up the Bible verses I posted above. They are really there. I can give you much more nonsense from the Book. Unlike most Christians I actually read the Bible, from cover to cover. Find me two Christians who can say they’ve done that. Atheists actually explore, investigate and question everything. They are usually more intelligent than your average citizen.* They don’t accept things passed down from generation to generation, just because someone said you should.
*I say usually, but judging by some of the posts here some of us could stand to read a few more books, and get dictionary.
June 26th, 2008 at 10:31 am
Although your first proof is enough to quell the skepticism of a fourth grader, anyone who knows about exaptation (look it up you bloody, mush-brained sod and you will understand feathers) thinks you’re a fucking idiot. Many of your “proofs” are open ended and can easiy be counter-argued by a little bit of research. I suggest that before you parade about claiming to have irrefutable proof of and all knowing being make sure you’ve made it further than grade school and have read more than just the Bible.
June 26th, 2008 at 10:47 am
Adrianna, how can you be such a moron. The “proofs” as they’re called are a joke. It’s a parody (look it up you bloody, mush-brained sod and you will understand humor). Also Poe’s law, it’s mentioned here in the comments section, but it apparently applies to believer’s and non-believers alike. It’s people like you that give atheists a bad name.
June 26th, 2008 at 10:56 am
These “Proofs for the existence of God” were written by an atheist. Anybody who takes this seriously is an idiot.
Adrianna, you sound like an educated person, that’s great, but get off the computer and socialize for a little each week. Maybe you’ll understand a little more about human interaction, joking and such.
Please people! Get a life.
June 26th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
i really hope you’re joking.
i don’t even believe in god and i can come up with a veritable bevy of real reasons he could exist…
jesus h. christ being one.
June 26th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
This is hilarious. And everyone who didn’t understand the sarcasm is an idiot themselves.
June 26th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
Some of you guys are idiots. This is a fucking satire about stupid Christians. And you’re just as stupid.
June 28th, 2008 at 2:52 pm
wow… this was awesome. The people who commented on it, however, kinda make me worried.
June 28th, 2008 at 8:12 pm
Hah, silly atheists. Look at number 2. That alone is enough to convert anyone.
I used to be an atheist before I saw this.
June 28th, 2008 at 9:43 pm
if anyone actually thought this guy was being serious, I can only hope natural selection claims you before you reproduce
and as for the author, #3 was hysterical, I love you
June 29th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
hey, a crass, swearing pseudo- intellectual’s response wasn’t tongue in cheek enough for you?
June 29th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
I’m joking by the way. Probably should have mentioned that, looking at some of the comments here. (Number two is still my favorite)
July 2nd, 2008 at 1:17 pm
Aha! Someplace I can use the phrase “that begs the question” correctly! Thank you!
July 3rd, 2008 at 12:27 am
“God isn’t a Unicorn so obviously he exists” is the best rationale for God I’ve ever heard. I’m going back to church on Sunday! Thank you SpoonBlog!
And everyone, chill – because I was making fun of this post just like the post was making fun of the lunacy surrounding ‘proof of God’. Read it closely.
July 4th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
I seriously hope that this post is a joke. If it isn’t, the author is a moron who didn’t pay attention in school. you know, the place where they explain how birds got their feathers. Anyone who believes this is a fucking idiot.
July 4th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
The webpage http://www.godlessgeeks.com/LINKS/GodProof.htm is a far better, funnier and more comprehensive compendium of theist insanity.
Head over there and see how it’s *really* done.
July 4th, 2008 at 4:52 pm
@chris – you failed at irony lesson, you are the funniest commenter ever i’ve seen.
@author of the post – you made your choice; making fun with your creator, you choosed what you deserve, but believe me, you fail, you’ll fail, you choosed the darknes…
July 4th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
Also, the fact that you use the phrase “Therefore, God exists” in your terribly written post seems to indicate that you plagiarized it from that site, anyway.
The people who actually spent time and put thought into creating this form of satire would appreciate it if you didn’t debase it and put your name on it at the same time.
July 5th, 2008 at 12:09 am
i don’t get the joke comments?
they are perfectly sound arguments.
can any of you sinners explain them?
thought not!!
July 5th, 2008 at 1:07 am
Needs more cowbell…
July 5th, 2008 at 7:53 am
A lovely bit of satire that also serves to illustrate that there is a vast vat of stupidity of both sides of the god argument…. Just cast your eyes over the first few responses …. Humour is simply lost em….. The best part of this is the responses…
Some folks out there need some therapy for the Sense Of Humour Tumour thats eating then up…..
July 6th, 2008 at 12:53 am
I dunno…. You’d be surprised how stupid people can be these days… I, for one, think this is a joke… But then again, there’s always somebody out there that actually believes that the shit they just said is, infact, true… >.>
A belief that God is a unicorn, and that we crave unicorns (apparently…) and that without God 2 plus 2 would equal house… And that God is only invisible when you turn around really quickly…
July 6th, 2008 at 10:19 am
Whoever doesn’t understand that this is a JOKE is fucking stupid.
July 6th, 2008 at 4:41 pm
This is seriously sad for both the people who mistook this for real and for the creationists out there that make arguments so stupid that these resemble real ones enough to be mistaken.
July 6th, 2008 at 6:42 pm
Proof 5.
I am God therefore I exist.
July 7th, 2008 at 4:57 am
these are debubunkings of each item…
1st.natural selection
2nd.that is just retarded
3rd.the only one that kinda makes sense but that can also be explained by natural selection
4th.I will kill you
I am athiest, the only god I believe is a shinigami, but I respect your choice but please don’t try to sway me with “proofs” thank you for your time
please just let these “proofs” be in satire
goodbye
Finson Kaj Patron Saint of Desolation
July 7th, 2008 at 5:59 am
Wow, people actually took the time to explain why you’re wrong?
I’m not convinced by #2 though. I’m pretty sure I saw something behind me. It looked a bit like my girlfriend, but I’m sure god can take any form he/she wants.
I wish I had feathers, maybe I’ll pray for them…
July 7th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
I hate everyone who has posted here. You are cretins one and all. The dude is joking, its a joke, joke. All so quick aren’t we.
July 7th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
Hey Stupids! Ever heard of SATIRE?! Yeah, look it up and then comment this page when you have expanded your knowledge above that of a third grader. Shit heads.
Obviously this message pertains to bluevillian and all other morons of his kind
July 7th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
and Keith. Keith is a puerile fantasy loving follower who prefers fairy tales over hard evidence.
July 8th, 2008 at 9:18 am
To everyone who thought this was real for even a moment, I have the pleasure of informing you that you are an idiot.
July 8th, 2008 at 10:22 am
Isn’t it cute that some people don’t get it?
July 8th, 2008 at 10:34 am
Who ARE you people??
July 8th, 2008 at 10:50 am
Damn, you lot found me out.
July 8th, 2008 at 11:02 am
I can’t believe that people don’t realise it’s a joke. Though there can’t be any proofs for existence of god. There can be evidence of reason for faith.
July 8th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
Brian, you should read all of my posts. The first one was my feeble attempt at parody–making fun of the fairy tale book. I assure you I am a hardcore atheist.
July 8th, 2008 at 9:54 pm
I have “faith” that Santa Claus and leprechauns exist, therefore, they DO. If you really belive…..it automatically becomes truth and then you must do as all the self appointed messengers tell you because they talk with the imaginary being you have created. Of course, only they can communicate directly so you HAVE to go through them.
Atheism is freedom from the bondage of religion.
July 9th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
What an idiot… this guy cannot be serious considered a grown adult…
Ron – You Rule!
Religion is a fairy tail, and no more truth than Shrek!
July 9th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
its amazing that you got this far.
there must be a god then!
July 9th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
How can so many people be so oblivious. YES, it’s satirical, the author OBVIOUISLY brought up the flaws in his own arguments “unicorns”
That being said, it still wasn’t very funny or insightful.
July 9th, 2008 at 9:45 pm
How did so many people not realize that this is just a joke? You are all in my prayers (that is a joke, fyi).
July 10th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
Nothing said here sounds anymore fantastic than ‘all life on this planet is decended from protoplasmic slime’ or ‘birds are decended from dinosours’ (which came first, the chicken or the tyranosaurus?). Satire or not this site shows us how dogmatic the ‘aetheists’ are and how narrowly close minded the so-called ‘sceptics’ are.
Great site, but, god, whats with the platypus man?
July 10th, 2008 at 8:56 pm
hey Narquelion man,there is nothing wrong with drinking bong water. It only increases your high man.
July 10th, 2008 at 11:21 pm
its one god then?
not many?
which god?
all of them?
the christian god known as christ is merely a representation of a god
god
is just that
a question
not something to be understood
it even states that in the bible
you cannot define god
only what “god” has done
i think its merely another way of saying
this happened deal with it.
and then figure out why.
July 11th, 2008 at 12:55 am
You are quite possibly the most ignorant individual the debate of the existence of god has ever encountered
July 11th, 2008 at 5:35 am
I left my full name because I want full credit and responsibility for my comment (Which is as follows):
(And please forgive the use of adverbs)
Incredibly, irrefutably, unmistakeably, painstakingly GENIUS!
July 12th, 2008 at 12:35 am
What a lot of these people don’t realize is that this is most certainly satirical. It is certainly sarcastic.
I have one to add to this list.
Ergo.
1.) God exists.
therefore…
2.) God exists.
July 12th, 2008 at 12:39 am
LOL! This should feed the religious trolls and witchdoctors. Taking their arguments and stretching it slightly. Keep the proves comming.
July 12th, 2008 at 10:39 am
lol. youre funny
July 12th, 2008 at 9:58 pm
sheesh this was funny as hell. For the first couple of sentences I thought this person was just an idiot.
it is understandable to have it be misunderstood and then have people not understand its sarcastic. I remember seeing this one guy try to prove that god existed because bananas fit peoples hands perfectly… (so do many other things) *snickers*
~Beyond~
July 12th, 2008 at 11:10 pm
Come on people, it’s a joke. That’s to you, way up there.
July 13th, 2008 at 9:56 am
Turn around very quickly. Did you see a unicorn? No you didn’t. Why? Because they’re invisible. Therefore unicorns exist.
July 13th, 2008 at 9:56 am
Turn around very quickly. Did you see a unicorn? No you didn’t. Why? Because they’re invisible. Therefore unicorns exists.
July 28th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
bluevillian: you ain’t turning around yourself kwik enough, that’s why.
Brian’s got bad frequentations…
Willie, what’s da prob’? Just Be, My Son, Just Be. Never mind what.
And if it’s a matter not of proof but of faith, they should bloody well keep it for themselves.
You are all cordially invited to the FSM, that’s Flying Spagghetti Monster (http://www.venganza.org/), yees the Creator of all that exists. At least of all humour. Personally chcked, it works: with a prayre to FSM I got the crabbiest person I presently know to actually make a joke. Mind, he had trouble rcovering from it, but it’s ok. Only, you got to have pirate attire for ceremonies (= fiestas), and for teaching at school (for the teachers in the lot). And for those who don’t know it, it coms direct from Kansas Uni. Or is it kansas loony? ya know, that place where they tried impose creationism. May the FSM teach you humour. Amen. Oh yeah, check the hate mail page, it’s worth a visit.
Keith, watch your arse coz I have faith, so I’ll hi-jack your unicorn at the next corner. Always wanted one.
July 31st, 2008 at 4:29 pm
This is so funny
July 31st, 2008 at 4:40 pm
Please read all of my comments. Please, please, please! The UNICORN thing was a joke. I AM A FUCKING ATHEIST! What I said was:
.
.
“Unicorns do indeed exist. They’re in the Bible. Unicorns exist as much as God exists!”
.
.
“Unicorns exist as much as God exists!”-That’s the joke. That plus the nonsense that actually came out of the Bible. Yes there are unicorns in the Bible, and there are idiots out there who believe that shit.
.
.
But please read All of my comments.
November 17th, 2008 at 10:18 pm
to all the people who think this is serious:
YOU ARE AN IDIOT
November 20th, 2008 at 3:39 am
Poe’s Law. Many of these comments are perfect examples.
December 10th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Reading some of these comments, I’m almost embarrassed to be an atheist. You people are morons.
Loved the article. I’ve actually heard proof #2 used seriously before. XD
January 6th, 2009 at 9:39 am
RMAO, stupid people
January 24th, 2009 at 5:48 pm
This isn’t actually true… is it?
GREAT SARCASM… I hope!
March 5th, 2009 at 5:25 am
This is actually all true.
I came to the author in his/her dreams. I may be omnipotent but I still struggle with indentifying gender. I told him to write this so you would all understand that, lo, I exist and that. Hang on, my bus is here. So, yeah, believe it yeah? I iz real an dat.
I love you all.
Except you, Jimmy. You;ve been bad again.
May 6th, 2009 at 2:50 pm
Oh Poe, how i love thee.
June 5th, 2009 at 7:53 am
Wow, that’s solid proof !
Can you also prove God doesn’t exist ?
Although I’m no religious guy, I very much like to laugh, so please try.
June 26th, 2009 at 11:27 pm
i think i lol’d all over my pants…
In response to the first two posts….
I can provide logical evidence that this IS in fact satire.
#1: this article follows hilariously little-kid logic
#2: and by little-kid logic, i mean “just-figured-out-how-to-say-dad” logic
#3: if u just figured out how to say “dad,” then u can’t write with proper grammar, because you’re too young to even write
#4: or you’re retarded
#5: Because God. Duh.
January 27th, 2010 at 2:36 pm
Jeez, people! If you think he was being serious, you need to get off of the computer and get a brain scan, to make sure you aren’t mentally retarded or anything.
July 5th, 2010 at 4:16 am
For anyone who thought this was real: you are the retarded people he is satirizing in this thing.
October 8th, 2010 at 5:37 pm
Anyone who wonders if this is serious or satire is WAAAAAY dumber than the author they so ferociously call stupid.
December 2nd, 2010 at 9:34 pm
how are any of you ridiculously ignorant enough to see this as anything but sarcasm, he throws dirty sex in there you fools, some people don’t understand blatant obviousness smacking them in the face
May 26th, 2011 at 10:06 pm
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June 17th, 2011 at 7:49 am
Wow, people. Obviously this is a joke, making fun of christians’ reasons for god existing.
June 25th, 2011 at 10:38 pm
people this a joke, obviously to show how naive the religious are, all the logic is flawed, and childish ideas lade out by someone who cannot see past their own ideas…
#1 if feathers are not magic, then god created some from nothing, saying god is magic, resolving that magic doesn’t exist proving that god does not in fact exist.
#2 this is just an asinine conclusion, i’m not close fooled to say that because i can’t see something then it doesn’t exist, molecules exist but we can’t see them, but this is saying since i can’t see unicorns, then they exist i’ll get back to that at 3
#3 we crave what we can’t have, u say unicorns don’t exist and yet we crave them, well they don’t exist, just like craving god, but he doesn’t exist
#4 we have 2 plus 2 because we have 2 fingers, take two fingers and two more to make 4, take 5 more pairs and we have, ten, to make understanding of quantity we have number, not cause of god, and by the way god created us before, by your standards, numbers were created, we made numbers, just happened to be english style, a writing system anywhere by any different circumstance could have been squares and triangles…
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