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Mourning The End of A Golden Era of Bush Presidencies

With only one day left in the tenure of George W. Bush Americans fear that it will be years before another Bush is illegally inserted into the White House. As this sad day draws around us like a venus flytrap, let’s stop for a moment to remember all of the best things about the man who was the best president of the last 8 years:

•Kept us safe from terrorists, except for that one day.

•Didn’t torture anyone named “Sullivan” or “O’Leary.”

•Without him, we wouldn’t know that shoe throwing is a sign of disrespect in the middle east, and would constantly be embarrassed when we threw shoes at people and they didn’t respond with love and affection.

•Second best president of the 21st century.* Soon to be third best!

•That cute party trick he did where he folded up the napkin and made the bunny-voice and started a war for oil.

•His overwhelming love of Jesus and cocaine.

•Prevented the evil Al Gore from taking office and forcing us all to be mildly more sensible in our energy choices.

•Calmed the nerves of Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh.

•Generously gave everyone 300 dollars of their own money.

•Didn’t personally murder anyone with his bare hands.

•Never forbade the use of opposable thumbs.

•Can’t be blamed for over 90% of cancer-related fatalities during his presidency.

•Is mortal.

*we are indebted to Dr. S. Boaz Slote for noting Bush’s high ranking among 21st century American Presidents. We would also add that for at least a few more years he’ll remain the second best white president of the century.

5 Responses to “Mourning The End of A Golden Era of Bush Presidencies”

  1. Sean Hannity Says:

    I think the fact that he didn’t personally murder anyone with his bare hands is one of the WORST parts of his presidency. I was hoping he would find Osama Bin Laden and challenge him to a kung fu fight. Then, after kicking Osama’s ass, GW would say, “I will let you live if you beg for mercy” and Bin Laden would be like, “Please please! Don’t kill me!” and then GW would be like, “I lied!” and stab Bin Laden through the eye with an American flag.

  2. Art Card Fan Says:

    “That cute party trick he did where he folded up the napkin and made the bunny-voice and started a war for oil.”

    May I make little robot babies with you?

  3. Boni Says:

    Bye George.

  4. Penny Rimbaud Says:

    Don’t forget, Bush also helped to keep New Orleans moist.

  5. grimoceansidenw Says:

    por favor solicito la sinopsis de la obra las ninas de la guerra, gracias.

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