Science Stories!
As a Christian American, I was worried when I read that American children were ranked 417th in the world in science education, behind even such extinct peoples as the Mayans and the Iraqis. To rectify this, I’m starting a series of Science Stories to teach children about the wonders of the scientific world. Here’s story #1:
Science Story #1!: Jesus and the Neanderthals
One day, Jesus was out riding on his dinosaur when he saw a group of neanderthal people fighting against some giant lesbians. “Bless you!” said Jesus, even though no one had sneezed.
He dismounted his dinosaur and went to aid the good neanderthals, but when they saw him they were afraid, and hid themselves in their cave-dwelling.
“Be not afraid!” said Jesus, “I come to bring good cheer!” He waved his magic sword and all the neanderthals transformed into modern humans, and were from then on able to live in traditional families, with a mother who stayed home to tend the hearth, or, if need be, ran for elected office, a father who worked in a masculine profession, and children who were good and chaste, in keeping with Jesus’s moral code.
This transformation of the neanderthals into white people was one of Jesus’s greatest miracles, but he did not tell anyone of it, and there was no newspaper at the time brave enough to tell the story!
Luckily, Scientists came along and found the bones of the neanderthal races, and saw that at some point they transformed into the bones of good people, and the scientists realized that Jesus must have “evolved” the neanderthals so that they could attend church. So the next time someone tells you that science isn’t good for anything, tell them, “that’s not what Jesus would say!”
September 20th, 2008 at 5:08 pm
Dear Fellow Christian American:
I am so glad you are helping in the blessed goal of educating our young. I, too, am concerned that Christian children need more science, so that they can combat the so-called “science” of the Darwinists in the universities. You may not know that Satanic forces are about to be released by these university scientists, but this threat has been documented by Thomas Horn (who is certainly not afraid of science! he uses the word “DNA” many times!) in his best-selling book, “Nephilim Stargates: The Year 2012 and the Return of the Watchers.” As I recently read on WorldNetDaily, he has figured out that genetic engineering will re-awaken the ‘Giants’ (the Nephilim, of course) of the Old Testament!!!! Horn asks, “What if, by corrupting the species barrier in which each creature was to recreate after its ‘own kind,’ Watchers (or demons) had successfully mingled human-animal DNA, creating something new, a construct that God had not made, manipulating genetic material and crossing the species barrier, which God had forbade, resulting in a body they could incarnate within?” As the article points out, “Not everybody shares these concerns. A radical, international, intellectual, and cultural movement known as ‘Transhumanism’ supports the use of new sciences including genetic modification to enhance human mental and physical abilities and aptitudes so that ‘human beings will eventually be transformed into beings with such greatly expanded abilities as to merit the label “posthuman.”‘” Thank you thank you Christian American for helping combat this horrible future!
http://www.worldnetdaily.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=75592
November 17th, 2008 at 10:57 am
Derek Chatwood has created a coloring book page which goes well with this story:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/bar-art/414998399/