The crowds at Trump’s inauguration were the biggest ever.
Jet fuel can’t melt ice cream.
Trees are just really slow-moving postal workers.
The world is hollow and I have touched the sky.
It’s always 4:15 somewhere.
Elmo is like that because of mercury in vaccines.
Underpants are sentient.
A water-fueled car was invented in the 1930s but General Motors destroyed it by using a Cosmic Cube to rewrite history.
The pope is actually an immortal, single-celled organism.
Prior to 1945 it was illegal to advertise for a plumber if you intended to use him to assassinate the president.

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