The crowds at Trump’s inauguration were the biggest ever.
Jet fuel can’t melt ice cream.
Trees are just really slow-moving postal workers.
The world is hollow and I have touched the sky.
It’s always 4:15 somewhere.
Elmo is like that because of mercury in vaccines.
Underpants are sentient.
A water-fueled car was invented in the 1930s but General Motors destroyed it by using a Cosmic Cube to rewrite history.
The pope is actually an immortal, single-celled organism.
Prior to 1945 it was illegal to advertise for a plumber if you intended to use him to assassinate the president.

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Jenny’s Lonely Menstruation Vacation
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The Masters of Boogertown
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Arizona Loving
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No God But Bubba
by The Institute For Interracial Medicine

The Plastic Lemon Event
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That Is Not A Penis
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The Seventh Nostril
by Tisha Lipiform Antidote

A Phillips Head For Emily
by Agnesia Americana

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Summerfuck
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The Winds of Kmart
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The Unheard Corgi
by The NFL Rules Committee

Asparagus Gangbang Problems
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Ironing Out The Kringles
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Flippant Were The Carrot Flowers
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The Particle Accelerator Pals
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Keisha’s First Embolism
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Ain’t No Monday High Enough
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Drugs For Victoria
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Anal Autumn
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