Karl Marx’s D&D character was a half-orc anti-Paladin named “Lord Evilbutt.” He attained level 15 before switching classes and becoming a Song Wizard and joining a group of Elvish troubadours.

Immanuel Kant smoked eleven herring a day.

David Lewis once swam across the English Channel while carrying a box of Pokemon cards. He nearly made it, but as he approached the shores of Normandy a wave crashed over his head and ruined a Charmander, a Pikachu, and a rare foil-backed Charizard.

Jean Paul Sartre died a virgin.

Epicurus was known to carry dead cockatiels with him, and to give them to his followers for gifts upon their becoming aware of the location of all of their underpants.

Martha Nussbaum has never made her own bed. She believes it is made each morning by spirit-elves, and she finds it perfectly turned down each evening when she returns from her crepuscular shot-putting appointment.

Thales discovered feelings, but not the feelings we have today. Different feelings, mostly directed at footwear and low-cost hosiery.

Judith Jarvis Thompson has eaten poison mushrooms every day for the last 4000 years, and believes that these account for her inability to die.

Susan Haack owns a mutant half-rotweiler/half-libertarian which she keeps in a glowing igloo made of Legos.

Daniel Dennett is 50% cocoa by weight ( but not volume.)

David Chalmers once went 40 days and 40 nights without smoking any really good bud.

Leibniz was incapable of sneezing and farting at the same time, and thus earned the nickname “the old church-man.”

Plato’s left foot was a walrus.