@Andorra: Why are you even a country? I could walk across you with a broken leg and a hangover.
@Sri Lanka: Your name sounds like low-cost decaffeinated coffee. Change it.
@Trinidad and Tobago: Are you gay life partners, or a country? Make up your mind.
@Grenada: It’s like your whole constitution just says, “In the event you can’t get into an American medical school, we’re here for you.”
@Romania: Before people used Hitler as the epitome of evil, they used Dracula. Did that hurt your feelings?
@Chile: Get some width. You look ridiculous.
@Mexico: What have you done since the sombrero? A hat is not a national identity.
@Niger: Americans feel weird when they say your name.
@South Africa: Anyone looking at a map can see that you’re the southernmost country in Africa. No need to state the obvious.
@Madagascar: Your capital is called “Antananarivo.” That’s fucking awesome.
@Sweden: You made a lot of depressing movies for a country full of slutty blondes.
@United States of America: you and the Central African Republic are tied for “country with the least creative name”.
@Australia: are you embarrassed about how little you’ve accomplished considering you’ve got a whole continent to yourself?
@Jordan: you have the same name as everybody who was ever in a boy band.
@Laos: we kind of bombed you a lot. Sorry.
@El Salvador: that’s a pretty presumptuous name for a country the size of an American shopping mall.
@Jamaica: thanks for the weed.